Tim Watches the News

The Story:
An appeals judge ruled the President and the NSA's wiretapping sans warrants illegal.

My response:

Big deal.

The NSA and The W knew it was illegal the entire time. They didn't care then, and they don't care now. Truth be told, I don't care all that much. I do sympathize with anyone who didn't have anything to hide that may have been eavesdropped upon in this manner. However, unless a fed's wiretapping led directly to your wife finding out about your threesome-that-didn't-involve-her, or some other embarrassing pecadilloes, are you (and your all-important liberties) damaged, really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you. "If the President is allowed to do this, then the next step is having GPS chips installed in babies born near the border, and then he'll start arresting people who write in blogs calling him "The W", and..." Spare me. If this ruling tells us anything, it's that people are keeping an eye out for just that kind of foolishness. Don't get involved with things that mess with other people's safety and rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of Rachel Bilson (uh, that last one's just me) and The Pres' disregard for the law won't really ruin your weekend.

The Story:

Some degenerate pedophile confesses to killing Jonbenet Ramsey 10 years ago.

My response:

This guy's out of his goddamned mind. And I'm impressed that the media has already focused their coverage in that direction. The case is 10 years old and I immediately had questions for him during that beyond-bizarre press conference. Unfortunately, I don't think he could hear me over the din:

Why now?

How do you accidentally kill a small child with a garotte? That's like saying, "she fell on a knife 14 times".

Where did you train for this mission? You must be a pretty agile and speedy pervert, what with breaking into the house, committing these horrible acts, and writing, revising, and rewriting a ransom note. All without waking anyone or leaving evidence that you'd gone through several rooms in a house you'd never been in before. Why then, with all that skill, didn't you leave behind pedophilia for a much easier career robbing museums and casinos like Danny Ocean?

It was Christmas--was Santa your accomplice? Now that's a lot more believable.