Guitar Hero II, Music Appreciation 0.

This conversation could have actually happened, or could actually be happening, right now:

FADE IN.
Matthew Sweet's "Girlfriend" broadcasts through an iPod.

Dude I: I can play that.

Tim: You can? I didn't even know you played an instrument.

Dude I: Well, on Guitar Hero II. I can play it on the "Hard level.

That's like me saying, "I can throw a football seventy yards in the air. Well, on Madden 2007, I can."

What could have been a nice little gateway for the ADHD set to learn about some classic music, like Cheap Trick's Surrender, or Kiss' Strutter, or the above-mentioned Girlfriend, instead just becomes incidental background flotsam in a brightly colored typing contest.

You might think my venom is misplaced. You might think I'm covering some latent frustration at not being very skilled at the game. You'd be wrong.
After playing a round or two at a kid's birthday party (I'm skipping over the ridiculousness of a video game totally sucking the adults right out of the poor kid's celebration), I acquitted myself well enough. The players who were Really Into It, though... yeesh. In the Guitar Hero world, Dick Dale's Misirlou was just another big Donkey Kong to topple. Not only did they have no idea what they were listening to, their ignorance actually cemented my notion that knowing or appreciating the song actually hurts you in the game.

It's a game based on music for people who don't care about music, or don't even particularly like music.

Add this "marvel" to my list of Things I Wish Accidentally Gave People Syphilis.