Andy Capp/Direct Capp: Jason Hurt's Twitter TNT

From Jason Hurt’s Twitter Feed, July 14, 2010 (Offered as is, without commentary or spell check. If you think I’m putting the King’s English in the way of these moving parts, you’re insane.)

So I've been thinking a lot about AC/DC.
And I don't think they would be as sucessful today without Brian Johnson.
Now this isn't an arguement that Brian is superior to Bon Scott.
Of course Bon Scott wins.
The percentage of good to bad records proves this.
So Bon is 5 for 5 on international releases.
5 for six in Australia.
Where Bri is 3 for 10 worldwide.
So Bon wins on quality.
BUT....
I still don't think without Brian Johnson AC/DC would have a wing at Wal Mart.
First the easy part of the argument.
Without Bri, you don't get Back In Black.
Biggest rock record ever. Maybe the most rockin rock record ever.
It coulda be just as good under Bon.
It coulda been 10 times better.
But it wouldn't have been exactly Back In Black.
And I won't even entertain a "Bon Scott wrote Back in Black" arguement. Didn't happen. Fuck off.
And that's the big difference.
Bon looked like a rock and roll singer!
Dick press tight pants.
Costume-y, effeminate top.
Long hair.
Bon was kind of ugly but still a lot more pretty than you.
He wasn't exactly Robert Plant but he was in the same tree.
Bri on the other hand looks like fuckin Popeye!
He looks like Andy Capp!
He makes an effort to look like Andy Capp!
And he may be the only person in rock and roll that losing his hair was a great career move.
Have you seen footage of Bri with hair?
He prances around like Mick Jagger.
He looks like a fuckin idiot.
But as soon as he gets that hat he completely shanges his rock moves.
Which now doesn't contain a lot of movement.
Just a bunch of "I'll kick your ass" stances.
All this adds up to Brian Johnson looking like a guy who can fix your sink.
And that's important.
Bon Scott looked like a guy who would fuck your girlfreind while you're at work.
This is not uncommon among rock singers.
Brian Johnson looks like he would want to fuck your girl while you're at work.
But he can't because he's also at work.
And not in this false everyman sorta way bands like 3 Doors Down and Nickleback have.
Bri isn't tryin to be like everyone else.
Bri is tryin to be like Bon Scott.
And failing.
Because he's not as cool.
And kinda Fugly.
Which is why the average AC/DC fan totally relates!
They wanna fuck your girlfriend while you're at work but can't for the same reasons!
Fugly.
Not cool.
Also at work.
That AC/DC wing at Wal Mart was built on Brian Johnson's ugly mug.